Fireworks - A Cautionary Tale

Long ago, there was one Fourth of July that Mr. Wonderful missed due to business travel. Before heading out, he reassured D1 and D2 that they would still have fireworks - he was leaving some for mom to light.

Thank you, dear.  Predictably, the girls awoke at dawn with cries of, "When can we light the fireworks???" It would be a long day!

Now I am the first one to break out the red, white and blue for patriotic holidays. Up goes the flag. Crepe papered bicycles and patriotic outfits - no problem.  Dressed someone up as the Statue of Liberty one year. Flag cakes and red and blue jello molds. I have always loved these colors.

But fireworks? Gulp. In the olden days, the neighborhood kids had firecrackers, cherry bombs, bottle rockets, M-80's and M-100's - mainly weapons of the Scofflaw family. (see Disclaimers - not their real name!) Legend had it that their mom locked them all out of the house daily for her own protection. They were short - growth stunted as they started smoking in second grade before dropping out of school - but scary.

Anyway, my personal experience was limited to holding a few sparklers that someone else lit.  The supply that Mr. Wonderful left us had names that were mostly foreign to me. Of course, there were some snakes (the point - what is the point?), some smoke bombs (ditto), some sparklers, some really loud thingies, and - the piece de resistance - a whistling chaser.

It wasn't even dusk when I relented and lit the punk. D1 and D2 were having a grand time with the snakes and sparklers and smoke bombs. We could hear a couple of neighbor families picnicking nearby.

Then I lit the whistling chaser. And it did. Chase-her! CHASE ME!!

It pursued me up our driveway, around, around, around and down. up the street, up another driveway, AROUND, AROUND, AROUND, back down the driveway and into the street. What the heck! Did it have radar?

I screamed like a girl! (Hey, I AM a girl!) I invented new moves! I ran for my life!

D1 thought it was hilarious. D2 knew FOR SURE that mom was going to DIE!

True to form, D2 sounded the alarm. She flew to the neighbors' yards and summoned them with shrieks of, "Help! My mom lit the whistling chaser and now she's ON FIRE!!!!

Thus, an audience arrived - the only thing we had been missing.

Decades later, this day is legend. You can bet I had a few snarky remarks for Mr. Wonderful on his return.  Of course he was laughing too hard to hear them.

So today I have hung the flag, put patriotic placemats on the table, and am wearing red, white and blue. And later, when I bring over a plate of cookies with patriotic sprinkles, consider yourself lucky.

I could be lighting fireworks in your driveway.